The Lies We Tell Ourselves (A Southern Heroes Novel Book 3) Read online

  Copyright © 2015 by M.A. Heard.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotation embodied in critical reviews and various other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  The resemblance to actual persons, things, living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.

  Cover Designer: Sybil Wilson, PopKitty Design

  Cover Model: Johnny Kane

  Photographer Credit: Eric D. Battershell

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  WARNING

  DEDICATION

  SONGLIST

  PROLOGUE

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  CHAPTER 15

  CHAPTER 16

  CHAPTER 17

  CHAPTER 18

  CHAPTER 19

  CHAPTER 20

  CHAPTER 21

  CHAPTER 22

  CHAPTER 23

  CHAPTER 24

  CHAPTER 25

  CHAPTER 26

  CHAPTER 27

  CHAPTER 28

  CHAPTER 29

  CHAPTER 30

  CHAPTER 31

  CHAPTER 32

  CHAPTER 33

  CHAPTER 34

  CHAPTER 35

  EPILOGUE

  SOUTHERN HEROES SERIES

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  WARNING

  Please note The Lies We Tell Ourselves contains emotional abuse, and it may be upsetting to some readers.

  DEDICATION

  To Richard & Morgan, your love will live forever.

  Peanut, my heart is with you. I love you, my friend.

  SONGLIST

  Suedes - PHFAT

  Shallow – Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper

  Somebody To Die For – Hurts

  Eternal Love – Michael Learns To Rock

  Fighting Gravity – Caleb Johnson

  The most destructive lies

  are the ones we tell ourselves.

  PROLOGUE

  “I can’t do this by myself.”

  REECE

  On the way home from visiting my friend, Birdie, I’m still trembling from all the emotions warring inside of me.

  Too much has happened over the past few weeks, and it feels like everything around me is spinning out of control.

  Hunter, my first love, died while serving as a marine, and I feel awful for using him as the reason why I was upset when Birdie asked what’s wrong. I shouldn’t have gone to Birdie. She’s been through hell herself with her biological father almost killing her. But her boyfriend, Cole, rescued her and for a stupid moment, I had hoped maybe he could save me as well.

  In a moment of weakness, I told Birdie and Cole too much, and I’m scared to death Clay, my fiancé and also the man who’s become a threat to my sanity will find out.

  ‘He started doing drugs. He said if I leave him he’ll kill me first and then himself.’

  What I told them was only the tip of the iceberg.

  Clay’s not doing drugs, but manufacturing and distributing them. He didn’t say he’d kill me, but instead meant he would destroy everything I hold dear.

  ‘You don’t get to leave me, Reece. Don’t even try. I’ll destroy everythin’ you love startin’ with your mother.’

  Hindsight is a horrible thing. If I had known how corrupt and abusive Clay would become, I never would’ve fallen for his lies. I wouldn’t have committed myself to him by getting engaged. I wouldn’t have let him near my mother.

  At nineteen I was a fool to believe I couldn’t survive on my own. Now, I’m stuck in this nightmare my life has become.

  If I had been stronger back then, none of this would’ve happened. If only I had stood on my own two feet and not depended so much on Clay.

  If only.

  Pulling up the drive, I look at my family home that’s become my prison.

  Getting out of the car, the familiar feeling of hopelessness bears down on me, making me feel much older than twenty-seven.

  I ignore the two guards standing at the front door, and go inside. When Clay first brought in a security team, he said it was to protect us. Mom’s been bedridden since the plane crash, which killed Dad. Because of Mom’s poor health, I became her legal guardian.

  It’s my fault for not trusting myself to cope on my own when my parents were in the plane crash. That’s why I allowed Clay to make most of the decisions for Mom and I. Feeling I owed Clay for all he did for us, I gave him access to my bank account, unknowingly providing him with access to funds to start his drug business.

  But regret always comes too late.

  Also, I didn’t fully understand what it meant being a legal guardian, and the first year felt like I was drowning under all the obligations I had to fulfill. Now it’s become routine attending board meetings, and fundraisers for The Nicolson Foundation Mom and Dad founded when I was born. The foundation offers funding and grants to causes including education, homelessness, disease, poverty, and hunger both nationally and abroad. It’s stressful, but luckily I’ve managed to represent my family’s name.

  Clay uses my family’s wealth as an excuse to surround me with guards who report my every move to him. As I walk by each camera, I feel eyes watching me from screens in the security room.

  “Miss Nicolson,” Mr. Tymes calls before I can pass by Clay’s office to go check on Mom.

  I stop outside the door and take a moment to gather my strength to walk into Clay’s office. Taking a breath I turn to my right, and the second I step inside the room, my eyes find Lawrence Tymes. He used to be Dad’s secretary but later aligned himself with Clay. I guess money does buy loyalty.

  “Another letter came,” Clay says to get my attention.

  I walk closer to the desk Clay’s sitting at and let my gaze fall to the piece of paper.

  The first time Mom’s life was threatened I was hysterical with fear and willing to pay the blackmailer whatever he wanted. It’s been three years since the first letter came. They no longer fill me with terror, but instead, make rage burn in my heart.

  I lift my eyes until I meet Clay’s dark blue ones.

  “I’ll take care of it,” he says while getting up from the leather chair he rules his illegal empire from.

  He walks around the desk and comes to stand next to me. Taking hold of my chin, he turns my head so I’ll look at him.

  In the beginning, when Clay started showing his true colors, I would pretend I was okay by smiling. Now I don’t bother.

  As I impassively stare at him, a calculating smile forms on his face. He tightens his hold on my chin and leaning forward, he presses a hard kiss to my mouth.

  “After all, you’re mine to look after.” The words are only a reminder that the engagement ring on my finger serves as a shackle, binding me to this man.

  I just have to keep the peace until I can get Mom safely away from Clay.

  CHAPTER 1

  “It’s just another job.”

  ALEC

  “I’m pretty sure you’ve set the world record for takin’ the longest time to drink a beer,” Wyatt’s voice comes over the ear
piece.

  “Well, I have to come to this dump every damn night to look like a regular just in case Roberts asks around about me. At this rate, I’ll be an alcoholic by the time we wrap things up.”

  Picking up the glass I take another sip of the bitter liquid before letting my gaze casually roams over the crowd.

  I don’t let my eyes rest on the table where the other officers are sitting. They’ll be responsible for picking a fight with Clay Roberts once he shows. From watching Roberts, we know he comes to this bar every Tuesday night to meet with his father’s old partner, Joe Randall.

  “You sure this is gonna work?” I mumble.

  “Yeah, it’s the only way to win Clay’s trust. You need to get close to him and savin’ his ass is the quickest way.”

  I let out a sigh. My ass is about to fall asleep from sitting on the hard stool.

  As the minutes tick by I go over all the details of the operation. The Lyman, Duncan, and Welford Police Departments work in close partnership with the Spartanburg Sheriff’s Office to take out the prison gangs who run meth labs from various trailer parks. The prison gangs are known to bounce around until they get busted. But we’ve all had enough and decided to go for the head of the snake, Clay Roberts. His father is doing time for supplying and distributing product, and with a little luck, Clay will be joining his old man soon.

  We have officers from each department working this case. From Lyman, it’s Officer Wyatt Holden, and Detectives Aiden Holden and Zac Hutches. I’m the only detective from Spartanburg. From Welford, there are another two officers, but they’re working behind the scenes on all the intel we have.

  I’m going undercover as a drifter looking for a job while Wyatt will be my eyes and ears on the outside. One wrong move and months of planning could go down the drain.

  “A black Range Rover just pulled up. Checkin’ the plate for you,” Wyatt suddenly says, snapping me out of my bored daze.

  Wearing worn boots, faded black jeans, and a white t-shirt with a black long sleeve over it, I blend in with the crowd. I haven’t shaved in a couple of days, so I look scruffy.

  “It’s Clay Roberts. Get ready,” Wyatt confirms. “There are two guards, so it should be easy.”

  I immediately recognize Roberts when he walks into the bar then focus my eyes on the beer in front of me.

  The officers give Roberts time to order a drink and find a place to sit before they make their move. Waiting until I hear a commotion behind me, I casually look over my shoulder.

  Roberts is standing by a table and wiping a spilled drink off his shirt while Nick, one of the officers, pretends to drunkenly stagger into him. A guard grabs hold of Nick’s shoulder, giving him the perfect opportunity to throw a punch.

  I get up as the fight escalates and start to walk toward the group of men. Luck is on our side because random men join the fight and soon fists are flying everywhere.

  “No matter how much I think about this, I’m pretty sure there’s an easier way,” I mumble before I duck to avoid a fist being thrown my way. Stepping to my left, I shove a guy away from me and then it’s time to go into action.

  I sprint forward and jumping, I knee a man in the back, then use the momentum of his body falling forward to slide over him, and at the same time throw a punch at the guy he was fighting which clears the way for me to where Roberts is.

  Roberts’ eyes widen from seeing me in action, and he takes a step back. I see the confusion on his face when I don’t attack him like I’m sure he expected, but instead swing my elbow back and into a drunk idiot’s face.

  I notice a guy coming up behind Roberts and quickly dart forward. Grabbing hold of Roberts’ shoulders, I push myself up so I can flip my body over his. Before my feet even touch the ground, I kick at the attacker’s knee so his legs will buckle under him, then bring my knee up to into his face. The blow renders him unconscious, but unfortunately, I’ve drawn attention to myself.

  As a group of guys closes in on us, Roberts’ grabs hold of my arm.

  I glance at him while trying to keep an eye on what’s happening around me. All this will be for nothing if I let some drunk ass take a swing at me.

  “Get me out of here, and I’ll make it worth your while,” Roberts’ says his voice tight from either panic or fear, or both.

  “Yeah?” I say, then quickly block a blow before slamming my fist into the guy’s jaw.

  “One thousand dollars,” Roberts’ shouts while pointing to somewhere behind me. I bring my elbow back, and it connects with whoever was stupid enough to stand behind me. “Two thousand,” Roberts says, his eyes darting wildly around the bar.

  “Deal.” I smile as I say the word, then grab hold of Roberts’ arm. “Stay right behind me.”

  Turning to face the brawling crowd, I look for the quickest way out. The front entrance is pretty much a no go, so I start to make my way towards the back.

  While averting punches being thrown my way, I make sure to keep my voice low so Roberts won’t hear as I ask Wyatt, “I’m takin’ him out the back entrance. Is it clear?”

  A few seconds later Wyatt answers, “You’re good to go.”

  Not wasting time, I pull Roberts closer and steer him through the crowd while blocking all the blows coming our way.

  When I finally push Roberts through the back door of the bar, I hold my hand out to him.

  “Pay up.”

  Roberts combs his fingers through his hair, straightening his appearance then smiles at me.

  “You’ve got some skills. Where did you learn to fight like that?”

  Making eye contact with him, I grin while replying, “I worked at a martial arts center after school and picked up things along the way.”

  Growing up I spent all my free time learning any form of martial arts, so for this cover, I’m sticking to the truth as much as possible, reducing the chances of being caught out by a lie.

  Roberts reaches a hand out to me. “Clay Roberts.”

  “Alec Kyle,” I reply while shaking his hand.

  We decided I would use my first name while going undercover, and just to change my last name from Taylor to Kyle.

  “I haven’t seen you around Lyman before,” Roberts says while looking me over. “Are you new in town?”

  “Just passin’ through.” I keep the answer short knowing it will make Clay curious about me.

  His one eyebrow moves slightly up. “On vacation?”

  “No, driftin’ from town to town, doing odd jobs,” I give him the golden nugget of info which will hopefully make him offer me a job.

  “I don’t have the two thousand dollars on me right now.” Roberts takes a pen and business card from his pocket and writes his address on the back before holding it out to me. “Why don’t you come by my place tomorrow to collect it? I’d like to make you an offer that would be beneficial to us both.”

  I pretend to think it over before taking the card. “I’ll be there for my money.”

  I walk away in the direction of the nearest motel and wait until I’m in my room before looking at the card. The front only has Clay’s name and a contact number. Flipping it over I see the address.

  “He gave me the right address,” I report to Wyatt who’s been surprisingly quiet.

  “I knew you could fight, but damn, Dude, that was badass. I’d pay good money to see a fight between you and my brother,” Wyatt says, sounding impressed.

  “Yeah? Is Aiden any good?” I ask as I walk over to the window and glance outside to make sure I wasn’t followed.

  “Aiden can hold his own,” Wyatt remarks, but I hear the pride in his voice.

  “So he’s that good?”

  “Yeah, he’s kicked my ass plenty of times,” Wyatt answers.

  Having made sure I wasn’t followed, I say, “I’m comin’ out. Meet me around the back.”

  I lock the door behind me and quickly jog around the side of the building. As I get there, Wyatt pulls up in the van, and I slip in before he drives to a deserted area, so we can f
inalize everything before I meet with Clay.

  CHAPTER 2

  “This is my life.”

  REECE

  (Nineteen Years Old.)

  Sucking in a painful breath, it doesn’t ease the suffocating feeling that’s been growing inside of me since I got the call that my parents’ plane crashed.

  Sitting with my shoulders hunched forward and my arms wrapped tightly around my waist, a single tear escapes my eye, but I don’t bother to wipe it away.

  “Please.” The whisper is filled with desperation.

  Mom’s been in surgery for hours and not knowing how she’s doing is driving me insane. I’ve been begging for her life to be spared even though it feels futile.

  Does it help to pray?

  For the first time in my life, I doubt there’s a higher power. I wouldn’t feel so devastatingly alone and helpless if there was a God.

  He wouldn’t leave me when I need Him most so it must mean there’s nothing out there watching over us.

  I close my eyes and whisper once again, “Please.”

  I become aware of someone sitting down next to me and slowly lift my head. The moment I look into the eyes of my best friend, Birdie, my throat constricts painfully, and I have to clench my jaw to keep from crying. Unable to speak, I shake my head while it becomes harder to breathe.

  Birdie wraps her arms around me and pulls me against her chest. She places her hand on the back of my head and turns her face until her mouth is right by my ear.

  “I’m here,” she whispers, but the words don’t comfort me.

  I shake my head again and hold my breath as a gust of grief rips through me.

  Yesterday, my biggest problem was dealing with Clay’s mood swings and Birdie shutting herself off from the world. My two best friends have both changed over the past year, putting a strain on our friendship. But after what happened today, not even that matters anymore.