Beautifully Hurt (Beautifully Broken) Read online

  “Life goes on,” I say. “Quinn will be safe with me. I promise.”

  “You’ll let me know if anything happens… if she gets worse?”

  “I will,” I promise. I know it must be hard for him to entrust Quinn to me. “My mom will come over often to check on Quinn as well. We’ll take good care of her.”

  Mr. Drake lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m just going to say goodbye to her.”

  As he heads to Quinn’s bedroom, I lean back against the wall. Taking my phone from my pocket, I send Jason a message.

  Eli: How are you holding up? Need anything?

  It shows he reads the message, but he doesn’t respond immediately. A couple of minutes later, it shows he’s typing.

  Jason: I can’t stay here. I see Katie everywhere. It’s too hard.

  Eli: You’re thinking of leaving? Where would you go?

  Jason: Up north. I have family in Toronto.

  Eli: But you’ll come back?

  Jason: I don’t know. I can’t think that far ahead.

  Eli: I’d like to see you before you leave.

  Jason: I’ll come by the house later.

  I hear footsteps, and lifting my head, I see Mr. Drake walking toward me. “Take care of my daughter. Please.”

  He holds his hand out, and as I take it, I say, “I will. I promise.”

  Mr. Drake walks out of the house, and without looking back, he climbs into his truck. The engine roars to life, and I watch as he drives away before I walk to Quinn’s room.

  As I step inside, she’s zipping up a bag.

  “Ready?” I ask.

  Quinn turns around, the empty look in her eyes once again hitting me right in the gut. It feels like every passing day, I’m losing more and more of her.

  “Yeah,” she murmurs, her tone carrying no warmth.

  I pick up the bag, then ask, “Is there anything else you want to bring?”

  Quinn glances around the room, and then her eyes fall on a photo of her and Katie laughing. She freezes, showing no emotion.

  Grabbing the photo, I unzip the bag and tuck it inside before closing the bag again. I take hold of Quinn’s hand and pull her out of the bedroom.

  Locking the house behind us, I take Quinn to my truck and get her settled in the passenger seat.

  I place the bag in the back of the truck and slide in behind the steering wheel. It’s quiet between us as I drive to my place.

  I’m hoping while Quinn stays with me, I’ll somehow get through to her. Mom said it could take months before Quinn will start to heal from the trauma.

  When I asked Mom how she knew so much about trauma, she said something terrible happened when she was younger. She wouldn’t tell me more, saying it’s in the past and I didn’t need to know.

  I’ll give Quinn all the time she needs, even if it takes years. I’m in it for the long haul.

  I park the truck beneath the oak tree and glance at Quinn. “We’re home.”

  She nods and pushes the door open.

  Getting out, I grab her bag, and this time she comes to my side, taking hold of my hand.

  We head inside, and taking the stairs to the second floor, I say, “I prepared a guest room, but you can stay in my bedroom.” I lower my eyes to her. “If you want to. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

  The old Quinn would’ve blushed.

  The traumatized Quinn just shrugs.

  I walk to my bedroom and set her bag down on the bed. Quinn slumps down next to it and stares down at her lap.

  I crouch in front of her to catch her eyes, and when she meets my gaze, I ask, “Do you need anything?”

  She blinks a couple of times, then whispers, “You.”

  Rising to my feet, I place the bag on the floor and kick off my shoes. I sit down on the bed, and taking hold of Quinn, I pull her up the mattress until we can lie down.

  I wrap my arms around her and just hold her. She rests her head on my chest, wrapping an arm around my waist. A heavy sigh escapes her as she closes her eyes.

  “You can talk to me about anything,” I murmur.

  Quinn only nods.

  At first, she spoke about what happened, but after the funerals, she’s hasn’t brought it up again.

  Dr. Altman gave Quinn medication for the panic attacks, and after counseling her for two weeks, Quinn was cleared to leave the hospital.

  She hasn’t gone for her appointments with Dr. Altman, and I know she’s not taking the medication.

  Worried, I ask, “You don’t want to meet with Dr. Altman again?”

  Quinn shakes her head. “No.”

  “The medication didn’t help?”

  “No.”

  Feeling powerless, I tighten my hold on her.

  God, Quinn, don’t give up. Please.

  QUINN

  It feels like a tornado has swept through my life and wiped away every trace of happiness. It’s left devastation behind. Everything that added color to my life is gone, and I’m left with this gray wasteland. Just gray. Nothing else.

  I have nothing left in me. No fight, no will – just nothing.

  I want to stay in bed and let the darkness take me to where Katie is, praying the pain and insanity won’t follow.

  I can’t.

  My mind’s flooded with chaotic madness. I can’t focus on anything because focusing will lead to feeling.

  It’s been three weeks since my life was shattered to pieces. The town has moved on while the devastation remains in me.

  I want to scream to let it out. I want to claw at my aching chest to free the pain. But I can’t bring myself to do anything about it.

  Tears burn behind my eyes, but they refuse to fall. It feels like my body has shut down every possible way for me to express how I feel. It’s keeping it all inside, and it’s ripping me apart.

  I can’t.

  I try to focus on the sound of Eli’s beating heart beneath my ear, and I start to count the beats.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  Four.

  Katie.

  The photo of us flashes through my mind, and it makes my heart squeeze painfully. It was taken at Thanksgiving last year. I told Katie I was most thankful for her.

  A breath shudders from me.

  Five.

  Six.

  Seven.

  For a rare moment, my thoughts turn to Eli and me. We’ve only been dating five weeks. “We missed our one-month anniversary,” I whisper.

  “We’ll have plenty more to celebrate.”

  “Katie never forgot a date. She cele –” My voice disappears, and I cringe from the hard blow of loss.

  Eli turns us onto our sides, and his body wraps around mine. “I’ve got you.”

  “I can’t cry anymore,” I admit to him. “It’s all stuck inside me.”

  “Maybe if we talked about what happened, it will help?”

  My lips part, and for a moment, I can’t make a sound, and then I finally manage to say, “When I fall asleep, I see Katie.”

  “Nightmares?” Eli asks.

  I shake my head. “No. We’re always sitting in their backyard. It’s weird. Sometimes it’s a memory, and other times, I’m aware she’s dead… and then she fades away.”

  Eli presses a kiss to my hair.

  “I want to sleep all the time, so I can see her.”

  “That’s understandable.” Eli takes a deep breath. “Next time you see her, tell her I say hi.”

  The corner of my mouth tugs up, and it catches me off guard. “You don’t think I’m insane?”

  “No, everyone deals with trauma and loss in their own way.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper as I press closer to him. “For everything. I wouldn’t have made it the past three weeks without you.”

  “Told you I’m in it this for the long haul,” he murmurs.

  I lift my head, and meeting his eyes, I ask, “Why are you so good to me?”

  Eli stares at me for a long moment before he answers, “Because
you’re mine, and it’s natural for me to want to take care of you.”

  “I didn’t scare you off?”

  He shakes his head. “Everything’s just made me a million times more protective of you.”

  I rest my cheek on his chest, then admit, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again.” I swallow hard. “Like I was before it happened.”

  “It’s understandable.”

  God, he’s so patient with me.

  Closing my eyes, I wrap my arm tighter around his waist as I snuggle into his side.

  “Sooo… how are things with you and Eli?” Katie asks, the expression on her face telling me she expects to hear something juicy.

  “Eli says hi,” I murmur.

  Katie smiles. “He’s so sweet.”

  “He is.” Knowing I don’t have long, I lean forward and wrap Katie up in a hug. “I miss you so much.”

  “I’m right here,” she chuckles.

  “You’re dead, Katie,” I force the words out. “Your funeral was two weeks ago.”

  “Oh, hush. We’re not going to talk about depressing things. I’m here right now, and that’s all that matters.”

  “I don’t want to wake up.”

  “You have to, Quinn,” she says as she pushes me back. Her eyes, always dancing with laughter, lock on mine. “You have to go back for your dad, for Eli. You have to live for both of us.”

  “How? How do I live without you?”

  “Easy. You wake up and just do it.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t.”

  “You can,” she insists. “Because if you give up, we both die, and there won’t be anyone to remember me.”

  Katie begins to fade, her voice echoing around me as she says, “Live for both of us.”

  Chapter 14

  ELI

  After work, I stop at the Sheriff’s department. When Harry sees me, he shakes his head, already knowing why I’m here.

  “There are no new leads, Eli. I said I’d call if we learned something new.”

  “No matches on the evidence?” I ask. They got a semen sample from Katie, and horror set aside, I was hoping it would tell us the identity of one of the guys, at least.

  “Nothing yet,” Harry replies. “All we know is they’re from out of town. The sketches we got from Jason, you, and Quinn don’t match anything on the database.”

  Fuck.

  “So… that’s it?” It kills me knowing the bastards are still out there.

  “We’re doing everything we can, Eli. We all want to see them behind bars.”

  I let out a sigh, nodding. “Thanks, Harry.”

  Leaving the sheriff’s station, I head to my truck feeling frustrated as fuck.

  During the drive home, my thoughts turn to Jason. He left two weeks ago and only called to let me know he made it to Toronto.

  When I park the truck beneath the oak tree, I pull my phone out and dial Jason’s number.

  “Hey,” he answers, his voice sounding as empty as Quinn’s.

  “It’s been a while. How are you holding up?” I ask as I push the door open.

  “There are good and bad days. I started working with my uncle at the butchery.”

  “That’s good. Hopefully, the work will help,” I say, glad to hear he’s settling in that side.

  “Any news?” he asks, and I know what he’s referring to.

  “Nothing yet,” I sigh. “I just stopped at the sheriff’s department.”

  Jason lets out a heavy sigh. “Let me know if you hear anything.”

  “I will.” I take the steps to the porch. “I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you. We miss you at the bar.”

  “Thanks,” he murmurs.

  “I’ll be in touch.”

  “Okay.”

  We end the call as I open the front door, and then a sweet aroma hits me as I step into the house. I follow the scent to the kitchen, where I find my mother and Quinn.

  Mom’s got a streak of flour across her cheek, and Quinn’s wiping it off with a paper towel.

  “Something smells good,” I say as I move closer to press a kiss to the side of Quinn’s head.

  Our love life has taken a back seat to everything that’s happened, and it’s taking a lot out of me. But Quinn’s nowhere near ready to resume dating. She’s struggling to keep it together without the added pressure.

  “Quinn’s teaching me how to make cupcakes.” Mom gestures to a burned batch. “I tried to tell her I’m awful in the kitchen.”

  I let out a chuckle as I look at the black cupcakes. “I can use these for target practice.”

  Quinn wraps her arm around Mom. “Don’t be mean, Eli. The second batch was much better.”

  I glance around the kitchen. “Where are they?”

  “We ate them all,” Mom says, and then she gives me a proud look. “Quinn loved my cupcakes.”

  Smoke begins to trickle from the over, and Mom darts forward. “Nooo! Just look what you did, Eli.”

  “Me?” I slap a hand to my chest. “I just got home. How’s this my fault?”

  Quinn chuckles as Mom pulls the tray of burned cupcakes from the oven. My head snaps to Quinn, and seeing the smile on her face makes emotion crash through me.

  Then her smile fades, and the sorrow creeps back, erasing the sparkle from her eyes.

  “Hey,” Dad says as he comes in via the backdoor. He glances at the burned cupcakes. “Looks good, baby.”

  Laughter bursts from me, and I glance at Quinn, saying, “That’s my dad trying to stay out of the dog house.”

  “Want to order pizza for dinner?” Mom asks. “My treat.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Dad gestures for me to follow him. “Let’s leave the women to do their thing.”

  I follow him to the living room, and seeing the serious look in his eyes, I know he wants to talk about something important.

  We sit down, then Dad asks, “How’s Quinn holding up?”

  “As good as can be expected,” I mutter.

  “Have you heard from Jason?”

  I nod. “I called him earlier. He’s settled in.”

  Dad leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. For a long time, he just stares down at his hands before he looks at me again.

  “Remember when I first taught you how to shoot a gun?”

  “Yeah,” I say, leaning back into the cushion. “Most of it.”

  “You told me you were scared,” he says. “Do you recall what I said to you on that day?’

  I nod. “You said everybody has at least one fear.”

  “I told you my fear was that I wouldn’t be able to protect you,” he reminds me. “Next time I tell you to wait for me, you listen.”

  I nod. “I just had to get to Quinn.”

  “I understand, but when you’re facing armed men, wait for your old man to have your back. You were lucky they left before you got there.”

  We haven’t spoken about that night until now.

  “Where’s your gun?” Dad asks.

  “Locked in the safe.”

  “I want you to carry it on you at all times until those bastards are found. Quinn’s a witness, and they might come back to finish the job.”

  “Christ, Dad,” I hiss as I lean forward.

  “Eli, I’m not fucking around. Listen to me. You carry at all times, and you don’t hesitate taking the shot if they come knocking.”

  I shake my head. “Never thought you’d give me permission to kill.”

  “It’s not killing if you’re protecting yourself and Quinn.”

  My eyes lock with Dad’s, then he says, “I’ve also had to deal with something similar to what you’re going through.”

  “Who? When?” I ask.

  “Your mother got shot.” The words shudder through me, and my muscles tighten.

  “Before you and Ethan came along, your mother and I had our own demons to fight. We never told you any of this because we were hoping you’d never be in a position where you’d need to
know.”

  “Know what, Dad?”

  “I wasn’t a handyman all my life. There was a time when people used to hire me to rescue kidnapped victims. As a hobby of sorts, I used to take down syndicates. I found your mom while taking down a group.”

  My mouth drops open with shock. “Christ, Dad.”

  “I’ve taken a life before, and I won’t hesitate taking another to keep my loved ones safe.”

  I never knew this side of Dad existed.

  “I won’t hesitate,” I promise him, and only then he seems to relax a little.

  “I’m proud of you, Eli. The way you stepped up to take care of Quinn.”

  I nod and force a smile to my lips. “I wish I could do more for her.”

  “Remind her of the beauty in life. That’s how I got through to your mother.”

  Dad reaches across and gives my shoulder a squeeze as Mom comes into the living room with Quinn.

  Thank God for my parents. I wouldn’t know how to deal with all of this if it weren’t for them.

  “Is there a specific pizza you guys want?” Mom asks.

  I take hold of Quinn’s hand and pull her down on the couch beside me while answering, “I’m good with anything.”

  I wrap my arm around Quinn’s shoulders as my thoughts return to what Dad said.

  If those bastards come back for Quinn, I won’t hesitate to kill them. There’s no way I’m letting them near her.

  I press a kiss to her temple and take a deep breath of her flowery scent.

  QUINN

  “You okay?” Katie asks.

  I nod, just staring at her.

  “You’re lying.”

  “It’s hard with you gone,” I admit.

  “I’ll never be totally gone,” she says, giving me a warm smile. She reaches across, pressing her hand over my heart. “I’ll always be in here, safely tucked away from all the bad things in the world.”

  “I wish I could’ve saved you,” I admit.

  “There’s nothing any of us could’ve done,” she murmurs. “They were going to kill us no matter what.”

  Her words shudder through me as some of the memories return.

  When I shoot upright in the bed, I slam into Eli’s arm, and he immediately pulls me into a protective hug.